Short Story - Friendship

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Short Story - Friendship

Post by BasilMeer on Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:13 am

This is a short story that I just wrote and wanted to post it here so here it is. If it needs some editing, lemme know ASAP.
Spoiler:
Once upon a time, in a village, there lived two friends whose
friendship was without bounds. They were always there for each other in
the most dire situations. They were so close to each other that they
wouldn't hesitate giving their lives for one another. For both were the only family they had. One night, a group of bandits raided the village. The village was set on fire, and
there was bloodshed everywhere. The bandits robbed everything, even the
lives of the villagers. Seeing their families slain in front of them,
the two boys ran to find each other for their friendship was the last
hope of survival they had now left. They tried to dodge every possible
danger and met up at the old storehouse which they always used as a
hiding place. They wept and wept as they heard screams of people.
Suddenly, someone started kicking the door of the storehouse, the boys
got closer to each other. The door broke and the bandits came in. One
of the bandits pulled up the boys from their hair and threw them
outside. The bandits gathered around them. Both of them were scared but
at the same time wanted to protect one another. As the bandit swung his
sword, one of the boys stepped ahead and blocked the sword from hitting
his friend. Seeing the sight, the other boy couldn't control and
attacked the bandit. Overpowered, the boy got smacked onto the ground.
As he fell to the ground, he saw his other friend, lying near to him,
covered in blood. He strecthed his hand and held his friend's hand and
closed his eyes. Tears started coming out of his eyes for the only
treasure he had, had been stolen from him. The bandit mercilessely
stabbed the boy in his back with a sword and killed him. The boys
always treasured their friendship, and tried to protect each other till
the end.


Last edited by BasilMeer on Fri Nov 26, 2010 7:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Short Story - Friendship

Post by IMP1 on Fri Nov 26, 2010 11:18 am

I like the message you're conveying, but it starts off a bit too much like a kids story, and ends up not at all like a kids story. And that's cool and all, but things happen in the beginning a little too matter-of-fact-ly.

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Re: Short Story - Friendship

Post by Elfsong on Fri Nov 26, 2010 10:34 pm

Yes very good overall I think saying they once ion a while instaed of the bandits would help as well over all very nice!
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